Well helloooo again blog world!
For those of ya'll that may be checking this little thing out for the first time, I started a blog a few years back where I would post things I was going through that I thought others could relate to, dreams, inspirations, motivational things, etc. I entitled the blog "If I die today, I think you should know."
It sounds a bit morbid, I know. But it was something I wanted to do to sort of keep a public diary of some things I wanted to share with others by putting the thoughts into blog posts. Therefore saying, that if I were to die today, I would want my loved ones, family, and friends to know these things.
I must admit, reading back on some of the posts from my "3-years-ago-me" are slightly comical, but also had a lot of wonderful memories and discoveries I had forgotten all about until I went back and read a few tonight. I also had a lot of advice to offer that was remarkably refreshing to read even today! I did find that the "3-years-ago-me" was just as over the top, excited, dramatic, and over-exaggeratory as the "present-day me." Some things never change. ;)
But a lot has been happening in my life here lately, and a lot of this I've found myself saying aloud on numerous occasions, so I felt the desire to write and share a personal post for anyone interested to read:
Sometimes in life, we go through changes... Big changes that lead to big realizations. Changes like moving into a new home, relocating jobs, losing jobs or looking for new ones, shifts in faith, fall outs or reconnections with family or friends, birthdays that make you feel 30 years older than you are, and so on. For me, I feel like these big changes and realizations came shortly before, and are continuing here-after, I turned 25 last month.
I really started contemplating how I was living, who and what I was surrounding myself with, what I was living for, how I was or wasn't taking care of myself, and if my energy was being spent in the best ways. The more I analyzed these aspects of my life, the more I began to realize that a lot of the ways I was answering these questions to myself, resulted back to me not taking care of me, and not turning to my faith and to my Father when I feel lost or alone.
I know a lot of people that search for distractions or hiding places from dealing with ones own issues or troubles, that are just outs from facing actual reality. I can admit that I have been one of those people for some time now. I've also run from God. I've tried to search for happiness within worldly things, pleasing others, partying, honestly anything I could do to distract from my own reality of facing my own internal struggles. But I've finally been doing just that; facing my own reality, facing myself, and turning back to an unfailing and unconditionally loving God.
Please understand, this is not me saying I am all good and perfect. That is by no means the case here. This is me saying that as I've been slowly cutting out the fake and false distractions in my life, I am finally finding what it means to really know myself.
Know this as well: everyone has to take their own steps in this process.
For me: I've stopped ignoring the inner voice I have when it says "stop, don't do that!" or "yes, do this!" I've been seeking advice from mentors. At just the right time I found a new church home that I truly cannot get enough of (ironic or nah?). I've been spending more time with the friends that encourage and advise me to live the way I want to live and find ways of strengthening me through my struggles. I've been praying more. I've been more actively taking steps towards advancing my career with theatre and performing. I've been getting back to the gym and (attempting) to take my vitamins :). I've kept a schedule and kept everything on track in a planner (this will do WONDERS for your life... and your schedule sanity). I've been cutting out more distractions in life and finding more time for what is good and true.
It's crazy because for once in my life, I don't know where I stand with many of the relationships I have with friends and loved ones. But for ONCE, I am finally figuring out where I stand with myself.
Furthermore, I've always had a strong faith in God but never been a crazy religious person. However, the church I've been attending of late has truly been changing my life and way of thinking in all of the most wonderful, relevant, and practical ways. I've been attending Renovation Church in midtown in Atlanta and I've never experienced anything like it. It's "transcultural," as they call it, and it is literally a place full of all ages, races, and people worshiping the same Lord in each persons own individual way. It's a remarkable experience with sermons that are nothing short of brilliant.
They are non-denominational and warmly welcome anyone new to Faith at the start of each and every service. I hadn't attended a church for more than a couple of Sundays in a row, or here and there during random months for most of my life, and after my first service at Renovation, I've woken up each Sunday itching to go back each weekend. Three months later, I am still attending, and would love for anyone interested to come along at 5PM on Sunday evenings. Today's service was entitled "Tinder." I'm tellin' ya' people, this place is the best.
All in all, I'm finding that after many years of searching for the many of the wrong things in many of the wrong places, all I really needed to do was look inside myself, take an inventory of what I found, and start addressing the weaknesses, and praising the strengths. Reminding myself as I've been hearing from all directions and forms of communication lately, that "I AM ENOUGH."
No matter how wise you are, how strong you feel today, how weak you feel tomorrow, what age you may be, how much you think you do or don't have it figured out, we have to remember that EVERYONE has their own issues and struggles within themselves and their own lives. It's all in how we chose look at them or chose to handle them that determines our happiness or certainty in the way we are living.
It's been a long time coming, but I'm starting to take care of me, and I want you to take care of you! Join me in this journey to do so. Let's keep the positive vibes, encouraging STUFF, and happiness flowing through energies and prayers. This life is so beautiful yet so short. May we not let it pass us by unfulfilled!
So that is that.
If I died today, I would want you to know these things.
xo, Jell.
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